My Hospital Adventure

Ok, so I find out that I have to go to the hospital for a chest surgery consult today. (Nothing major, don't worry). I was supposed to go last week but there was a government workers' strike and it wasn't open. So I make my way down this morning to the Rambam Medical Care Centre. (Isn't that the most awesome name for a hospital? I think so.)

I grab the #22 bus down from my house around 8:00 am. It takes about half an hour to get there because Rambam is on the coast and I live much higher up on the mountain. So I'm in the bus, and I can see the hospital in the distance, but it stops at the main bus terminal a fair distance away, and everyone has to get off. Well, no big deal; I get off and walk in the general direction of the hospital, fairly confident in my navigational skills.

This area looks fairly sketchy, as I am down by the docks at this point surrounded by road construction. But I figure everything is safe, since the only people I see around are soldiers and Hassidic Jews. I keep on trundling down to the roundabout where I know I'm supposed to turn to find the beach gate of the hospital. And I finally do.

Rambam is a huge medical complex, but I am confident that I can find where I need to go because I was emailed a hospital map before I left. (One word - hubris) So I take the first left I see to the Outpatient building, and make my way inside to the third floor where I was told the Cardiology department is. Why I need to go to the Cardiology department is beyond me since that has nothing to do with my consult, but whatever.

At this point I've become lost in the general maze of corridors but I find what looks like an information desk with nurses, so I ask where I'm supposed to be. Apparently I've asked a trick question, because the ladies look at me like I'm nuts. They're not even sure why I'm in this area of the building as I should be in Endocrinology. (Again, why? Who knows.) So they send me down one floor to the next nurses' station. Apparently this is not where I'm supposed to be either. The lady there tells me I need to go back downstairs to the other wing of the building, but on the same floor. Ok then....

So I go. I head back through the lobby, up two flights of stairs to...the oral and maxillofacial surgery clinic. ARGH!!!! Where the heck is the chest surgeon, and why is this so complicated?!? The nurse at the oral clinic feels sorry for me, and figures out where I need to be, and takes me back down one flight of stairs to a crowded hallway. THIS is where I am supposed to be - and it only took an hour to figure out!

She gives my paper to the nurse at the desk, but apparently this is not the right paper - I should have checked into the hospital as soon as I walked in. Whoops. So I head BACK to the lobby to wait in a very long line to get my admittance slips and go back up for my consult. Since I have never been to Rambam before they have to open a new file for me, and how to check the 'Baha'im' into the hospital is the new floorshow for everyone else waiting in line. Har, har.

I trudge back upstairs to the chest surgery area and hand my file back to the nurse, which she proceeds to put at the bottom of a very large pile. I can feel this is going to be a loooooong wait. I step into the hallway and grab a chair to listen to the ipod for awhile.

Two hours later, I finally hear my name called. I jump up and head back to the nurses' station where I wait for the doctor to let me in. He's a very nice man; studied in India and the US, knows a lot about the Baha'is, both here and in India. Unfortunately he's not the right man for me - he proceeds to tell me that the actual doctor I'm looking for is away for the week in the army. That's right, the doctor left for the army for the week, and this one can't help me.

Ok. Those of you that know me well know that I have a pretty good sense of humour. At this point I'm laughing hysterically on the inside because this is by far the funniest thing that has happened to me since I've been in this country. (I will post my hilarious driving adventures at a later date.) I've been in the hospital for four hours, been to three wrong departments, been the main attraction in the lobby check-in, and now it occurs to me that it has all been for naught.

So NOW I get to go back and do this all over again when the nurse calls me for an appointment. My joy knows no bounds, dear friends, my joy knows no bounds...